Tuesday, July 15, 2014
I have Naomi moments.
Like how Naomi could not see past her circumstances. Sign me up.
When all hope seemed lost. Right here.
I feel that way.
When the budget works on paper but doesn't in real life. When I see the error of living financially un-responsible. I call myself undisciplined. What I once thought I needed has become complete rubbish to me.
Earlier today I called myself shameful. I was having a moment when our only car wouldn't start and I was thinking the absolute worst case scenario. It's a gift.
Like Naomi, I believe with my head that God is Sovereign. For others.
I believe that He will provide famously and work amazing, jaw dropping miracles. For others.
So I call myself discontented. Wasteful. Lazy. Broken. Lonely. Lost. In debt.
I too, like Naomi am soul-weary. I'm weary. Like for real... so weary. Weary from the struggle.
The head to heart struggle.
That kind of soul-weary.
Just the other day I was having a heart to heart conversation with my sister-in-love. She was telling me of an awesome financial miracle she and her husband received. I was then and continue to be so happy for them and how God provided in their time of great need. So she asked me point blank, "Do you think God can provide for you like He did for us?"
I said no.
Not the best time to just blurt out what comes to mind because truly that is not how I feel. I have seen and experienced God providing for us and taking care of us with out of the blue, jaw dropping miracles.
This is the time that I need to refocus my wild and run-away thoughts. This is the time to stand on His promises for me and my family. This is the time to call to mind those treasures hidden in darkness so that I know He is The Lord!
And then I come back to life and remind myself that He has names for me, too. Names that I find my identity in. Names that I read about in His Word that apply to me. He knows my name, calls me by name and made me His very own.
He calls me friend. Beautiful Daughter. Beloved. Chosen. Accepted. Redeemed. Whole.
I call Him Altogether Lovely.