Ever had the words to say but not know how to put the words into grown up sentences that make sense?
Story of my life. And here I am blogging for Jesus.
Each time I sit down to write my blog post, I get out my notebook and put pen to paper. (Old school, I know.) And then my mind goes blank. I have to physically sit down at the computer with my notes, pray and begin typing. Otherwise, I am not writing authentically because everything seems so rehearsed...So this goes here; then say this. I want to share from a heart that is transparent. Which, by the way, is hard.
I think I've been avoiding this question all week. I considered not posting and pretending like the question wasn't asked. Why?
Because I know what my answer is.
I was worshipping me.
"The moment they saw Him they worshipped Him. Some, though, held back, not sure about worship, about risking themselves totally." (v. 17 MSG)
I have, in times past, hung back from things. For example, when we used to go door-to-door selling things for school, I'd send my friend to go ahead of me. Probably because I feared being rejected. I've held back from people, for quite possibly, the same reason. *This is all changing now that I know He already approves of me. Thanks for sharing the message, Jennifer.*
But holding back from worship? Afraid to risk themselves totally?
I like what Beth Moore says, "Misplaced worship is at the heart of all bondage."
Jesus, undeterred, went right ahead and gave His charge: "God authorized and commanded me to commission you: Go out and train everyone you meet, far and near, in this way of life, marking them by baptism, in the threefold name: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." (v.18-19 MSG)
This is a way of life. Living for Jesus. Serving Jesus. Telling others about Jesus. Displaying Jesus.
The reason why I live in the tension of worship and doubt that disables is because I've tried to win souls and make disciples in my own strength. I've gone in my name and not His.
I've worshipped self and not the Savior. And landed myself in a huge heap of religious bondage. The truth of God's love is that He rescued me and opened my blinded eyes.
He didn't ask me to carry His name by promoting my name.
He asked me to display and demonstrate His amazing love and His Good News by declaring what He's done for me and to make it my way of life.
"Then instruct them in the practice of all I have commanded you. I'll be with you as you do this, day after day after day, right up to the end of the age." (v. 20 MSG)
Before I would go and do in my strength and in my name. Now I go in Jesus name. I represent Him. I work for Him. And He's with me every single step along the way.
He opens our hearts so we can respond to His message. (Acts 16:14)
Respond to His message.
I love living like this.