I Want God

It arrived on a hot July afternoon just after I arrived home from a day at the beach.

When I saw the package in my mail box, I literally had to make myself not jump up and down in front of my neighbor's house. Melissa, walk back to your house calmly and girlie squeal when you get inside. That's what I told myself. :)

I immediately rip open the envelope and flip to the back of the book and I read the last part of the last sentence that says, "...and how to find our way back to the God we want most." 

Tears.

See, The Lord knows exactly what we need and when we need it. He's kinda amazing like that.

Something you may or may not know about me, but I absolutely love reading the book thank-yous and dedications. It's when I get to see a different side of the author. I think of it as a picture of their heart. The names of complete strangers to me, but so precious to Lisa and I instantly think of people I would list if ever I was given the opportunity to write.

More tears.

I spend the rest of my Friday with my new book, my red pen, my bright yellow highlighter, and my wide-ruled loose leaf notebook paper and I am ready to dive in. I have been w a i t i n g for Lisa to write another book. I mean, her book, w(hole) messed me up in the best way so as you can imagine I counted down the days until I received this baby.  Perhaps, I should learn patience. But God saw fit to get this new book into my hands before the October 1st release date. Hallelu!

The highlighter quickly comes out on page eight.

Hello, introduction.

Allow me to quote her, "We need more of God, but we do not really want Him. The truth is, until the want matches the need, nothing will ever change." 

And I was hooked.

I guess I've never looked at it that way before. I always need God to help me. I always need God to guide me. I always need God to go before me. But do I want Him?

Like r e a l l y want Him?

I keep reading.

Through the course of this book, Lisa shares about wanting God more. More than what?

More than Comfort. More than Logic and Reason. More than Popularity. More than Blessing. And finally she shares about wanting God most.

This isn't about trying harder. I like those words because I sort of fall into that group. I feel like if I can just try harder, everything will be fine. No, the theme of this book is wanting God more than anything else.

Like water to a thirsty soul, are her words to me. I say me because I feel like she wrote this book for me....either that or she has a copy of my journal. Smile. I am so thankful to authors who can put into words things that are on their heart in such a beautiful way.  Lisa does it extremely well in this book.

As a result of reading, I begin asking myself hard questions. What can I give up? Is there anything I want more than God? Because when we give up something we are doing so to make room for what we really want.

Profound.

I could go on and on but I don't want to give anymore away about this wonderful book. It seriously challenged me to examine my heart to see if I truly have a Christ-first heart. It is challenging me still to remember....to remember when I fell in love with Him... to remember why. Oh, it is super important to remember those things. The landmarks of our saving faith journey.

Side note: I asked the Lord on July 19, 2014 to help me remember. You can see the neat way it all tied together on my Instagram here.

And slowly but surely He is helping me remember. He is leading me on a narrow path to truly want Him most. For so long I thought I knew what I wanted. And I humbly submit, that I was wrong.

But in His gentle Jesus way, He is showing me that it's Him. He's the One I've always wanted and He's ever faithful to stay beside me as I take the long road home.

"What do you want?" John 1:38

I pray its Jesus.

I want Jesus. All of Jesus. And nothing but Jesus.

So help me God.










*PS: If you are interested, I wrote a review on Amazon giving the book five out of five stars. I hope you'll go ahead and pre-ordered yourself a copy here.

Jesus is worth the time it takes to read this short book. You'll be so glad you did.


God's best to you!
xo

This Hope

I just finished my She Reads Truth journal page, took a picture of it for Instagram, and told the Lord that it was all for Him.

And then I walked to the bathroom and changed out of my pajamas into my junky house cleaning clothes...that I wore yesterday. Anyway. It was at that moment the Lord told me to write.

"Write what, Lord?  You know that I am the best infrequent blogger out there." I say.

"Elaborate." He tells my heart.

So here I am. The blogger who only blogs when she has something to share. And I recently have come to terms with that. I want God more than I want this blog. But when I receive a prompting from Him to write, I write.

Because, disobeying God?

I want no part of that.

When I started to study this morning, I read Hosea 2.

And nothing jumped off the page to me. I wasn't sure what I was going to share. So I read the text again.

And this time I notice "For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more." (v.17)

I am a forever-student so I begin searching what this verse means. And I find this gem: "But usually the LORD drives us to despair of earthly joy, and help from ourselves that, being shut from every other door, we may knock at Mercy's gate." MacLaren

I quickly grabbed my personal study notebook and wrote down, "In my unfaithfulness (idolatry) You spoke tenderly to me and provided for me a door of hope. When I cried out to You when I had no mercy and was a foreigner to you, You answered my cry for help. And when You responded, I attached myself to You, forsaking all others; clinging only to You. When I walk in unfaithfulness I dishonor You; the One who declares that I will call You My Husband and no longer 'My Baal'." 

It was in the my wilderness of self, and discontent, envy, excess and sloth that He spoke to my barrenness. Because we all know that when The Lord is last on your list, life is...well...empty. I lived an empty life for a while. Hello, my roaring 20's. I made statements that proved I was living out of my own strength. I wasn't sure of my identity as one who had a saving faith of The Lord Jesus Christ. I wasn't fun to be with. I was living in a rut of my own idolatry. Yuck.

Alexander MacLaren writes "Sorrow helps us to see God."

I drank that right in. Sorrow helps us to see God. He goes on to say, "Swift, sharp, unrelenting justice must be done on the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eye, and the pride of life, if our trials are ever to become doors of hope." 

Hope. It's the finished product of tribulation.

Tribulation->Patience->Experience->Hope.

"Tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character; hope; and this hope will not lead to disappointment for we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love." Romans 5:3-5

This is where I stop trying to fill my heart with stuff; things that can't and won't be able to satisfy my relentless need. And this process started two years ago when He proved to me that He was to be my all in all. He wanted to fill my heart with His love so that I could stop stuffing myself with junk.

What is this hope? "Hope is but the brightness that goes before God's face, and if we would see it we must look at Him." writes MacLaren.

It's what I like to call saving knowledge. And by that I mean, I know that my Redeemer lives and I will spend eternity with Him. And I'm inspired to love God more and want God more than anything else.

It was two years ago that I experienced His goodness. And since that time He has opened my eyes wide to the revelation that He is all I need or want. He has sparked within me a love for Him like I've never experienced before.

And the best part of this whole thing?

"I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as The Lord." (v. 20)

I just turned 36 last month but I asked Jesus into my heart at the precious age of eight. It wasn't until I turned 30 that I truly started pursuing The Lord in new ways. And I've heard that old ways won't open new doors.  So there's that. Then on the second to last day of July I turned 34 and He walked with me while I began the {daily} process of laying down my idols. And as I began living it out,  He made me His own. 

"When the people were weaned from idols, and loved the Lord, no creature should do them any harm." Matthew Henry

This hope? It's my Jesus.

PS: Four books that have helped along this road (other than the Bible): One Thousand Gifts, {W}hole, Love Idol , and this baby isn't available until October 1, 2014 but go and pre-order it now I Want God (blog post forthcoming when God gives me the words to share-that is, after I'm done processing it.) Thank you to Lisa for the Advance Reader Copy. xo