Honestly Honest

The following are snippets from my journal:

January 3: Your right hand sustains me... Psalm 18:35

January 4: Remember to keep my eyes on Jesus.

January 5: "I go before you daily to prepare your way..." Francis J. Roberts 
Also, the LORD takes care of the godly.

January 6: Lord, You know what's happening.

January 7: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6

January 9: Be desperate for God's word and know it.

January 11: "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

January 12: "...your financial need-they are all known to Him. He sympathizes as no one else can and watches to see if through it all, you will dare to trust Him completely." Streams in the                   Desert

January 13: "For in the midst of difficulties, I will be your support." Francis J. Roberts Pray for proper perspective.

January 16: "Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ." Philippians 1:27a 
"Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth, avoid careless banter, white lies, and                                 gossip." Proverbs 4:24 MSG

January 18: Melissa, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love, and with Him
is full redemption. (Psalm 130:7)

January 19: Pray and never give up.

January 20: Help me LORD to be a doer of the Word; to know who I am in You, and to not define myself by what others perceive of me.

January 21: Help me LORD to do what it takes.

January 25: Show me Your Glory, LORD. I trust you with the outcomes.

January 27: "I will remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

You are probably wondering why I would take the time to share all of that. Looking back, I see how God has been preparing me for some interesting news.

Thursday January 28: I found out from a coworker that my job is changing and it's unclear to me if I still have a job. 

I failed.

My first response wasn't to trust God with the outcomes. It was to freak out, cry and question everything.

Thankfully, my husband had the day off from work and was able to offer such sweet encouragement. He assured me that we would be OK and not to worry.

I then told him that it was my turn to prepare an encouraging word for the other homeschool moms at my co-op.

"How can I do this when I'm not sure I can even continue?"

I asked God to help me and before I said or did something stupid, I took a nap like a good girl.

Two hours later I woke up and God in His goodness and mercy reminded me of Proverbs 31. I'm probably the last person to be sharing from Proverbs 31 but in case you haven't noticed, God has a sense of humor.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." v. 25 NLT

I don't know about you, but I've never been able to do that. It's likely the last thing I do but only because I want to avoid crying.

I do the exact opposite of what Albert Barnes says, "She looks forward to the future, not with anxious care but with confident gladness."  Man, that is something I need to work on for sure.

The strength mentioned above refers to strength of mind, not of body. My friend Merriam Webster defines strength as, "The quality that allows someone to deal with problems in a determined and effective way." 

So this means to me that I'm not to fear what may happen and I'm to know whom I place my trust in.

Side note to self: I should probably re-read the days leading up to Thursday and encourage myself in the LORD my God.

"They do not fear bad news; the confidently trust in the LORD to care for them." Psalm 112:7

With God's help and my surrender, I want to be able to recognize God's guidance so that I can calmly trust Him for what's next.

I'm not the calmest person when I hear bad news. I may not freak out loudly or throw things, but I'm almost dying inside. Honestly, I sometimes use those situations to be mean. I take my opportunity to say whatever I feel like saying because I'm mad after all.

Then I continued reading in Proverbs and verse 26 slapped me right across my big mouth:

"When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness."

OUCH!

This verse says WHEN she speaks which implies that maybe I shouldn't always be talking and at the very least that I should think before I speak.

Her words are wise: this means that I am not to speak empty and aimless words. This is important in everyday life and especially as a homeschool mom.

"She guides her family with words of wisdom and when she speaks it is not gossip, or slander, or idle talk that she utters, but sentences of prudence and sound sense to minister grace to the hearers. In her language to those around her she is animated and regulated  by love. She teaches with gracious kindness and ready sympathy." Pulpit Commentary

Have I mentioned yet that I'm thankful for grace, God's goodness and second chances? Well, I am.

She gives instruction with kindness? Oh my word! Lord, help.  I say things like, "Just do what it says!"  And, "For the love, how many times do I have to tell you?" And other unkind things that I pray my boys won't remember.

I'm not certain I even know what kindness is or even how to be kind right now.

In the Hebrew language, kindness is translated hesed which means unfailing, loyal love, loving kindness, good and merciful kindness.

Meditating on that, I realize that kindness is to be a practice which means it's probably not something I'm good at naturally. I'm selfish and when my boat gets rocked, it's easier to speak my native tongue: harsh and unkind words.

But thanks be to God! Because, in my weakness He is strong! The Scriptures are full of ways to help me watch my tongue, to think before I speak and to instruct me on how to encourage others. We are commanded to speak words of life, to talk to each other in Psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.

The Cambridge Bible for Schools and Colleges sums up why speaking kindly to others (especially our children at home) matters: "The teaching of wise instruction and counsel she gives is so combined with kindness as to win rather than compel obedience." 

Speaking kindly makes a huge impact in my daily life as does trusting in God completely.

"A gentle answers turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

People are listening.

"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29

******

I just want to share something awesome about how relational God is. I woke up at 4:30 AM on 1/29/16 to write this for my friends at co-op. I second guessed myself as I always do so I opened up Streams in the Desert to find something to read instead*. This is what God revealed:

God is in the midst of her; she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. 

Psalm 46:5

"Will not be moved"-what an inspiring declaration! Is it possible for us who are so easily moved by earthly things to come to a point where nothing can upset or disturb our peace? The answer is yes, and the apostle Paul knew it. When he was on his way to Jerusalem, the Holy Spirit warned him that "prison and hardships" awaited him. Yet he could triumphantly say, "But none of these things move me." Everything in Paul;s life and experience that could be disturbed had already been shaken, and he no longer considered his life or any of his possessions as having any earthly value. And if we will only let God have His way with us, we can come to the same point. Then, like Paul, neither the stress and strain of the little things nor the great and heavy trials of life will have enough power to move us from "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding". God declares this to be the inheritance of those who have learned to rest only in Him." -Streams in the Desert



*I shared both my blog post AND the above passage in obedience to my God.

xo

A Heart to Know

via

Oh, 2015. The year of the heart. It was a fun word to have, cute even. Hearts are my love language. Heart socks. Heart stickers. Heart notepads. Hearts, everywhere.

I didn't want 2015 to end because of those hearts but God began dropping hints in September when I memorized the verse above. I found it easy to remember because, 24/7. A heart to know...It was like a ping pong match in my head.

A heart to know....what do I know...a heart to know....what do I know...

What does 'know' even mean? And when I tell people my word will they think 'no' or do I have to explain it: know like know, not no. I am so confused.

Thank the Lord for the dictionary!

1. a (1) :  to perceive directly :  have direct cognition of (2) :  to have understanding of know

 (3) :  to recognize the nature of :  discernb (1) :  to recognize as being the same as something previously known (2) :  to be acquainted or familiar with (3) :  to have experience of

2a :  to be aware of the truth or factuality of :  be convinced or certain ofb :  to have a practical understanding of

I started the dialogue even then with the Lord about the importance of knowing what I say I believe. I could feel the Lord beginning to prepare for me what I didn't know. Does that make sense? I spent all of 2015 getting His Word into my heart and He was equipping me for war.

And then I remembered reading a blog post from Ann Voskamp several years earlier when she shared about why we memorize Scripture:

"All the heart really knows is what it knows by heart." She goes onto say, "What the heart knows by heart is all that can calm the heart." via

That was October 2015 and my one word for 2016 was not on my radar.

It wasn't even on my radar on November 8, 2015 when I was listening to part three of Judah Smith's sermon series called 'Friend of Jesus'. He had been reading out of 1 John 2 and since John the beloved only used a cool 300+ vocabulary words in his letter, there was gobs of repetition.

"And by this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments." (v. 3)

I felt the Lord prompting me but before I shut the sermon off and told God 'no' (hashtag don't judge me) I remember him saying, "This is friendship knowledge, not if your faith is genuine. It's a test of genuine friendship." 

Quickly I found myself talking to the Lord, telling Him that word wasn't cute and no one will even understand. He told me it was for me to understand...to know what I know...to put into practice what I've been hiding in my heart all of 2015.

As the scent of pizza filled my silver Camry, I could feel my heart starting to beat faster which for me, is always an indication of the Holy Spirit working within. "Lord, are you sure?" This is my prayer as I exit the car a hero with our favorite lunch.

I don't recall even eating the pizza before I checked Instagram, but I'm sure I did. Because, pizza.

While on Instagram I see this from my friends at The Pointed Life:

"What helps keep my eyes on God's purpose and on eternity is reminding myself this: We are left here on earth after we are saved so that we can help others be saved also. We are carriers of His glory and tellers of His grace. We are God's plan for the world to know Him." 

Have you ever noticed when you buy a car, whatever color/brand it may be, you all of the sudden notice that everybody and their mother has that same car? No? Just me? Well, that's what it was like when God confirmed my word know for 2016. It seemed like it was in every passage of Scripture I would read.

I came up with this list of, and in the words of Sara Groves, "really what do I know"...

I know...

I shall not be put to shame. Is. 50:7
I am fully known. 1 Cor. 13:12
God knows. 2 Cor. 12:2
He brought me out from under the burdens. Ex. 16:7
There is no one like the Lord our God. Ex. 8:10
I am known by name and have found favor in His sight. Ex. 33:17
He keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him. Deut. 8:3
He goes before me as a consuming fire. Deut. 9:3
He is in my midst. Joshua 22:31
Not one word has failed. Joshua 23:14
I am a worthy woman. Ruth 3:11
My eyes are on You. 2 Chronicles 20:12
My Redeemer lives. Job 19:25
What my lips know they speak sincerely and I declare what I know. Job 33:3,4
He can do all things and no purpose of His can be thwarted. Job 42:2
The Lord has set me apart for Himself and He hears when I call. Psalm 4:3
He has not forsaken me. Psalm 9:10
I have told the glad news of deliverance. Psalm 40:9
My enemy will not shout in triumph over me. Psalm 41:11
God is for me. Psalm 56:9
I am blessed and walk in the light of His face. Psalm 89:15
The Lord is great and above all gods. Psalm 135:5
He will maintain the cause of the afflicted. Psalm 140:12
My way is known by the Lord. Psalm 142:3
He gives treasures in darkness and the hoards in secret places that I may know the Lord. Isaiah 45:3
How to sustain with a word him who is weary. Isaiah 50:4
He knows. Jeremiah 15:15
He gives me a future and hope. Jeremiah 29:11
He has rebuilt the ruined places and replanted that which was desolate. Ezekiel 36:36
There is none else and I shall never again be put to shame. Joel 2:27
He has authority to forgive sins. Matthew 9:6
The Truth and the truth will set me free. John 8:32
His voice. John 10:27
The Spirit helps me in my weaknesses and He intercedes for me. Romans 8:26
Because I love God all thing work together for good. Romans 8:28
I am God's temple and His Spirit dwells in me. 1 Corinthians 3:16
The hope to which I've been called. Ephesians 1:18
I am not ashamed for I know whom I have believed. 2 Timothy 1:12
Love. He laid down His life for me. 1 John 3:16
He has set before me an open door that no one is able to shut. Revelation 3:8

And that's what I know!

Happy New Year!
xo

My Great Privilege

                                                                           Image Credit

On June 3, 2015,  I was enjoying communion with the Lord, writing down things He was placing on my heart....words like purpose...will...loyalty...teach...yield. I began sifting through my stack of books looking for the Morning & Evening devotional by Charles Spurgeon. I opened to this:

"These were the potters who lived there in the king's service." 1 Chronicles 4:23 ESV

Something clicked within my spirit and I quickly wrote down, "new blog post idea!" and that started my study route for the last nine days. Seeing the words, "in the king's service" pricked my heart so deeply, I took it as a sign from God to pursue this Scripture further. I read everything I could find on it.

"Potters were among the ranks of manual workers, but the king needed potters, and therefore they were elevated to royal service, although the material upon which they worked was nothing by clay. In the same way we also may be engaged in the most menial part of the Lord's work, but it is a great privilege to do anything for the King..." Spurgeon

Last month I received a phone call from my good friend Michelle asking if I would be willing to be part of her content team for She Works His Way a place of "encouragement for working women to find balance in life through total surrender to Jesus". 

I listened.

News flash! I had been praying for months for opportunities to write with purpose and God gave me the gift of writing a 40 day devotional for my church. Although, I should confess that after I wrote day one I tried backing out. I contacted the church and told them they had the wrong person...that I only respond to devotionals, not write them. They didn't let me off the hook and told me to keep going and to use my God-given gifts.  I was totally blown away by that. And so I did and it was a tremendous blessing in my life.

Here He is again, five months later, hand-delivering me an opportunity to work with Michelle and I respond this way:

" I am humbled and honored that you would think of me but you have the wrong person.... I don't really work."

I do that all the time. I tell people, "I'm just a homeschooling mom"....like I have no value or He can't use me in my current life stage....but in Him I am more than that.  I truly am grateful for the reminder that it is a great privilege to do anything for the King. 

Michelle laughed and told me at length that I do work, that the Lord was already using me and in her inspiring way she encouraged me to pray about it. That was a Friday afternoon. 

Over the weekend I prayed, confessed my sin of pride and even walked away from something I love, something good, to work on heart things and to pursue God alone. By that following Monday I became part of her team.

Psalm 100:5 says, "Let the whole world know what He has done!" Just like the king needed the potters, the Lord has need of me right where I am. The Lord has need of you, too.

The potter's lived there in the king's service. So it got me thinking. The King needs me and has asked me to make myself available to Him so He can use me in the best way He sees fit.

I want Him to use me as an instrument to proclaim His message in every place He has me. Am I serving my husband in the King's service? Am I educating my boys in the King's service? Am I writing in the King's service? Am I working my two part-time jobs in the King's service? Because that's what I want to do....to serve wholeheartedly and work for Him with enthusiasm. (Ephesians 6:7)

"There is no ideal place for us to serve God except the place He sets us down. We are not to run from it on a whim or sudden notion, but we should serve the Lord in it by being a blessing to those among whom we live." Spurgeon

I have been set down in my home, by God, to be a blessing to those around me. I've been given opportunities to write from home, to teach, encourage and equip women who also want to be a reflection of the Lord in the places where He has them.

I saw a quote on Pinterest and I'm not sure who came up with it, but I love it. It says, "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose carefully." 

I am an early riser and I give Him the first part of my day. As I've done that consistently, He's been so dear to me....showing me things about Himself in fresh and exciting ways. This time ignites my creativity, my passion for the things of God and it helps me push past my feelings of fear and inadequacy. 

"Write those things I say to you, write and hold back nothing of all I shall say to you." 
Frances J. Roberts, Come Away My Beloved

This is my great privilege...my opportunity to demonstrate and display the love of Jesus with the words I write whether here on my blog or elsewhere. I know that I can't write in my own strength and for my own glory...it never works out.  Total surrender is a process for sure, but I know that He will be with me the entire way.  He is guiding me on this new path, a path that I can trust Him on.

"Dwell with the King and do His work, and when He writes His chronicles, your name shall be recorded." Spurgeon

Lord, I want to soar in the service of You, My Master.

xo

For God

                                                                             Yes He is!


I recently listened to Lara Casey give a heart to heart talk about creativity and her struggles with comparison, jealousy and envy. She is the real deal and my heart was immediately drawn to her. As soon as she sat down and opened her mouth to speak, the tears welled up in my tired blue eyes. It was late last Wednesday night as I began watching her video. She said, "Your creative gifts? They mean something. Your creative gifts were given to you by God for God." Hello, waterworks.

I quickly scratched a few notes in my hot pink and gold polka dot Greenroom journal and called it a night. I  needed to let what I had heard marinate for a while. Fast forward to 5 o'clock the next morning when I opened up my prayer journal and began writing down my prayer. Here is part of it:

"...Thank You for using Lara Casey...You are creative, You made me creative for Your glory, not mine. What are the motivations of my heart? I repent that yes, I wanted to write to make a name for myself so I could feel important, like I mattered and have value. I don't think I've ever admitted that I craved notoriety.... I surrender all of my wrong motives to Your Lordship...I want to walk in Your light of life. Help me out of the dark places of envy, jealousy, comparison, pride, anger...If I am to write, release the words...open my eyes...tell the story for me...and let it all be for Your glory....

Man, it is gut wrenching to be so vulnerable but I share it in hopes that someone will be encouraged as I was when Lara shared her story. Shame dwells in secrecy and I've lived in that arena for a minute.

After my prayer time, I plug in my ear buds and listen to Pastor Steven while I fast walk around the track by my house. He's preaching about stretch marks, making me laugh out loud and amen at the same time. In the midst of hearing him share, I hear the Lord ask me to write this blog post. I am fired up to share because the truth sets people free, right? Funny though, on my walk home after the podcast ended and I was alone with my thoughts, I was like "No, Lord. I don't think I can." When will I ever learn? Smile. And He said to me, "Yes, you can. I know you." 

I get home all sweaty and grab a pen and paper and I take down the definition of 'notoriety' and words related to it...and I see the word 'influence'.  The definition of notoriety has thrown me off because it means the character of being notorious or widely known. Light bulb moment: I don't want notoriety but rather influence which is the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions of others. My desire is to display Jesus Christ in my everyday life in a way that makes Him attractive to others.

I want the creativity that God has given me to be used for God. That's the biggest takeaway that I received from Lara. It was a timely word for me. And as God is graciously opening doors for me,  I pray Psalm 19:14 repeatedly. And I knew I needed to be honest and share some of the dark places of my heart while I'm walking the road less traveled.

The goal of any writing I do, the way I live, the words I use, the motivations of my heart, how I treat my husband and children is for His glory, not mine. Can I brag about how awesome my God is?

In the midst of all my internal chaos, He gently reminds me of something that I've been seeing over and over again as I'm working through Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge. He says, "Melissa, I see you. I know you." 

As fast as I can I say Thank You Jesus and begin typing the word 'know' in Google and find all the information on what it means. I read every definition, I take down Scripture after Scripture with that word in it, I find meaningful quotes about being known, and when I'm finished I find I have SEVEN pages of notes on wide-ruled notebook paper.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer said it best, "One must completely abandon any attempt to make something of oneself...(instead) we throw ourselves completely into the arms of God." 

Somewhere along the way, I allowed some wrong thinking and old ways creep inside my heart, to try to make a name for myself. When honestly and truly, my prayer has been, and continues to be, that I want to know Him and make Him known. I'm grateful for the gut check from God because He can't use me and my wrong motives. And then in His awesomeness He leads me to 1 Corinthians 8:3:

"But if anyone loves God, he is known by God."

I love words. I especially love the Greek word for 'know' which is epiginosko which means to know exactly. I get to know God by my personal and direct relationship with Him. He knows everything about me. The good. The bad. The ugly. I don't have to perform for Him. I don't have to earn His love. He willingly gives Himself to me. And that makes me willing to give Him all of me in return.

It doesn't matter who knows me, as long I know Him and love Him because I know He knows me, loves me and proved it for me when He died so I could live. And my goal is to tell everyone, everywhere, "The King is wild for you!" Psalm 45:11 MSG

xo

Revision

Two years ago I wrote a blog post in response to some sweet friends on Instagram wanting to know how I study the Bible. It turned out to be my most popular post to date. If you are new here and haven't read the original post you can find it here. 

A little over a month ago I started feeling stagnant like something was missing from my journaling...and then it dawned on me...I was missing from my journaling. I had hidden my voice and response to the things the Lord had asked of me out of laziness.  Let me explain. 

Here is my what I wrote on Instagram on 4/23/15: "Confession Post #3001: Today I find myself feeling restless with my journaling. I'm going back to the drawing board, asking God to let me use my own words...not the words of commentators all the time...the reason I tend to read a lot of commentary is to gain a deeper understanding. I guess the missing piece is making it  more personal and letting go of what people might think of me. So there's my heart."

As soon as finished posting those words, I felt the Lord remind me of a book I bought on January 7, 2015 when I went on my Amazon binge with my Christmas money! So I flew down the stair to my office, starred at my bulging bookcase and there it was! 

I quickly raced back upstairs, picked up my ipad and began to give a praise report on Instagram. "And just like that the Lord who knows my heart and hears my prayers, just reminded me of a book I bought a few months ago. He knows the desires of my heart, my dream to teach, write and encourage others. And in the sweetest way He's helping me be ok with my own words. Lord, I love you!"

On April 26, 2015 I finished the book and I've not been the same since. I totally could have finished the book in one night but I was practicing self control and taking notes the entire way through, hence the delay. Smiley emoji here. 

During this time I also learned about the 7 Arrows of Bible Reading  and understanding that for myself has proven extremely beneficial, and I highly recommend that resource if you want to dig deeper in your personal study time. 

I have been preparing my heart to write this post for two weeks now, just trying to find the best word to describe this process. What I was doing before wasn't wrong; but I felt a tug in my spirit that there was a better way. And the Lord gave me this word: revision.

Revision: n.  a change or set of changes that corrects or improves something

The change that I'm making is going from allowing myself to jump to my study Bible and Biblical commentaries when I start to feel lost in Scripture. Lost is a feeling I don't like. 

Here is another excerpt from me processing the new information from Jen's book: "I told myself I wasn't a good student in school because I had average grades. My high school chemistry teacher told me she never met someone who worked so hard for average grades. I was afraid of going to college for fear of failure. I have almost completely relied on my study Bible and commentaries, telling myself that I need them to help me 'get it' instead of asking God to help me."

Fast forward to page 81 of Jen's book: "The problem is not with our study Bibles or commentaries; the problem is with out need for instant gratification and our dislike of feeling lost. Commentaries hold a valid place in the learning process, but that place is not at the beginning of the learning process, where they can diminish our sense of feeling lost- a feeling that is actually our friend." 

I didn't start out with commentaries at the beginning of my studying, but it sort of slipped in...that need for instant gratification. But God is faithful to meet me right in the midst of my feelings of being lost and dying to the need for instant gratification. Isn't He so good in every way?! 

The things that remain the same: 

The early morning hours. I still love them and crave that time because I'm a homeschool mama and am not without my boys so I need that alone time with Jesus. I light candles and still drink my piping hot cup of English Breakfast tea while Pandora quietly plays worship music in the background. 

My Disclaimer. I want to remind you again that it's so nice that people want to know how I study the Scriptures. But I am no Bible scholar. I just love Jesus, want to know Him in a super personal way and make Him known in every way I can. He means everything to me. 

Prayer. It needs no explanation, really....other than its necessary.

The things that changed:  Compliments of  The LORD, Jen Wilkin & 7 Arrows of Bible Reading

A printed copy of the text: double spaced with plenty of room for note taking, highlighting and definitions. This is totally my jam.

Background Information: Who wrote it? When? Why? Where? Themes?

Repetitive Reading: It is incredible what repetitive reading will do for personal understanding. Try it!

CIA:  This is not what you might think. C stands for comprehension: what does it say? I stands for interpretation: what does it mean? A stands for application: how should it change me? 

7 Arrows: What does this passage say? What did it mean to its original audience? What does this passage tell us about God? What does tell me about man? What does this passage demand of me? How does this passage change the way I relate to people? What does this passage prompt me to pray about?

If you are still reading, thank you. I am passionate about the Lord and spending time with Him on a daily basis. He still directs my heart with what I share about what He's teaching me. He inspires me and leads me through this beautiful journey of discovery.

Revision.

Yes, Lord.

For Your glory.

xo,
Melissa

PS: If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments and I'll work on answering them in a separate post. My next post will be about journaling prayers to keep proper focus. Love y'all!

She Reads Truth

REFLECT

Hello Loves!

I have been asked by my church to write a 40 Day Easter Devotional so that's where I'll be until Easter! You can follow along by texting the word REFLECT to 555888. Each morning at 6 AM you will receive the devotional or you can follow along by clicking here.

I am so thankful to the Lord for this opportunity!

Love y'all!

xo

Flies

*This is what I am sharing at my homeschool co-op today.

February: Welcome to the time of year when my homeschool related fears rush in. We passed the 100 day mark. It's almost convention time.  Cabin fever. You know what I mean. The blizzards: Juno, Marcus,  and Neptune. I can't. This would be a lovely time for me to try and provide some encouragement to weary and worn out moms. Riiiight. Thanks for volunteering me to share today, Michelle! P.S. The devotion scheduler is bossy! :)

Earlier this week as I began to ask the Lord what He would have me share, I kept recalling 1 John 4:18. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear...."

I have life fears. I'm sure we all do. Today though, I want to talk about fear as it relates to homeschooling. I know that I'm not alone in this. But just to be sure, I asked some fellow homeschool moms (online) to share some of their fears.  I will share some responses in a moment.

As it turns out, my fears are not unique to me.  Being responsible for our children's education is a daunting task.  My fears cause me to freak out and forget the Truth of the Scriptures for a minute. I sort of panic and tell myself that I can't do it... but my reactions don't bring glory to God.  Because the Truth is that He called me and has equipped me to do this even on my worst day of school.

These are the "flies" (fear/lies) I received and truth to replace them with:

...I fear opinions of family members...
Do not be afraid of people’s scorn, nor fear their insults. Isaiah 51:7 NLT

...I fear that I'm not a good enough teacher...
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. Psalm 56:3 NIV

...I fear that I'm not capable of giving them the best education...
This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9 NLT

...I fear they are missing out because of me...
But the Lord watches over those who fear him, those who rely on his unfailing love. Psalm 33:18 NLT

....I fear that I'm not enough...
On the contrary, we speak as those approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please people but God, who tests our hearts. 1 Thessalonians 2:4

...I fear that I'm not teaching them what they need to know...
The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him-- the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of might, the Spirit of the knowledge and fear of the LORD--Isaiah 11:2

....I fear that I am failing them....
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8

I'm so thankful to the Lord for this Truth:

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV

These slavish fears we at war with are not from God. They are lies straight from the pit . We need to take back our thoughts of fear and replace them with the Truth. We are loved by the Lord. He has equipped us to teach, train and encourage our children. The enemy wants nothing more than for us to get caught up in what we are not doing. We need to stop falling into his traps and believe what God's Word says.

We have to trust our lives, our souls, our interests, our reactions, our routines, our children and their education to the Lord Jesus Christ. After all, they belong to Him.

                                                                     Image: www.lysaterkeurst.com

One Word 2015

It all started with a simple text from me to my sister that went like this:

"What's the plan for 2015? Goals? Dreams?Let's talk!"

I knew I had a captive audience as she was traveling back home from Georgia. And I quickly received her response...and then she asked me:

"How about you?" 

I froze for a split second and then...

I quickly blurted out:

"Focus! I've been so distracted this year." (Insert 15,000 emojis) LOL

I began to wonder if maybe this was the Lord's way of telling me that would be my one word for 2015, but....

Last year, the Lord placed my one word on my heart in early November and here I was wondering on the last Saturday of 2014 what my word would be.

The Lord had been placing words like dream and faithful in my heart but I didn't have that familiar feeling of confirmation that I love. So,  I waited.

On Monday I got out my journal. I started copying down a few quotes I read on Jess Connolly's blog about dreaming and said this:

"Ask the Lord to be loud to you- and I dare you to believe that He might really desire for you to hear His voice, even more than you desire to hear His." 

Gulp.

So I prayed and asked Him to be loud to me. A few moments went by and I began searching the Scriptures. It's the place I go to for everything, really. And it was there, I saw a verse that pricked my heart.

"One who heard us was a woman named Lydia, from the city of Thyatira, a seller of purple goods, who was a worshiper of God. The Lord opened her heart to pay attention to what was said by Paul." Acts 16:14

At first it was kind of funny. I was like, "cool, You want me to pay attention."  But as I continued to read the Scripture line by line, the word jumped off the page to my teary blue eyes.

Heart. 

I cried. Thank you Lord, from the bottom of my heart for showing me this Scripture that I have glanced over countless times before now.

Easton's Bible Dictionary provides this definition: "The heart is the center not only of spiritual activity, but of all the operations of human life. The heart must be changed, regenerated before a man can willingly obey God." 

In the Greek language #2588 it is translated "kardia- the effective center of our being; desire-producer that makes us tick; our desire-decisions that establish who we really are."

Whoa.

I had asked the Lord to help me focus. I asked Him to be loud. I asked Him to give me a word for 2015 that would mean something to me.

And He did that. He did all of it. And as an added bonus, He showed me this Scripture as a way of solidifying what He placed inside my heart:

"My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed:  I will sing and give praise." Psalm 57:7

Hear: to listen; give or pay attention to.
Ear: keen/sensitive perception of the differences of sounds
Art: the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful

Heart.

I think Ann Voskamp said it best when she said: 

"All the heart really knows-is what it knows by heart."

And that's my prayer for this year. To know in my heart and believe all that The Lord has for me. And I want to know Him more by paying attention to His Word and fixing my heart on the Truth of His promises. Not just when things are going splendidly but when things are hard and I have to choke back tears. 

"For a fixed heart I must have a fixed determination, and not a mere fluctuating and soon broken intention. And I must have a continuous realization of my dependence upon God, and of God's sweet sufficiency, going with me all through the dusty day." Alexander MacLaren

Lord, for 2015, I want to know you by heart. Let it be so. Amen.

*PS: If you are still reading this wordy post, I wanted to say that I'll be participating in Beth Moore's Siesta Scripture Memory Team this year.  I will memorize two Scriptures per month for each month in 2015. I've done this a few years now and this is the first year the Lord gave me all 24 verses before the year began and they are all on...you guessed it...the heart because what the heart really nows, is what it knows by heart. Join me? Scripture Memory Team

The Next Step

                                                                           She Reads Truth

This might not make sense to anyone but I feel compelled to share what The Lord placed on my heart earlier today...something I don't want to forget because when The Lord speaks, it is precious and must be cherished and remembered. Forever.

While I was reading the text for today's devotional, I became obsessed with the story of the ten lepers. It was a story that I've heard many times. A familiar story. But different in how only one of the ten returned to offer thanks.

I had to know more.

I studied and wrote things in my journal and when I went to write my journal page for the #shereadstruth online community, my mind went blank. I just kept praying and asking The Lord to help me see what He would have me to share.

Finally. He showed me the route to take.

It was what I was initially drawn to. I was to write about the one who noticed his healing and offered thanks. While I was handwriting the words, Jesus spoke so tenderly to me. I wrote it in my Bible and dated it November 18, 2014.

This is what I wrote on page 1993 of my ESV Study Bible right next to the subtitle: Jesus Cleanses Ten Lepers -- "The day my life changed as a writer." 

Today is a significant day. My husband's beautiful God-fearing Grandmother would have been 97. This is her first birthday celebrating with the One she lived her whole life for. Before she passed away on July 4, 2014, (and we miss her everyday) she confirmed to me that the dreams I have for myself and family would come to pass. I will cherish forever those intimate moments we shared when she spoke truth and life into my spirit. I love that God would speak to me on her birthday. 

So I take what He gave me and I say Hallelujah, Amen and Thank You Lord.

I don't have to have it all figured out. All I have to do is say yes to taking the next step which is to start writing...however small it may be and for however long without people seeing the words. He wants me to be faithful in the little things of writing a little something each day. That's all I know so far.

And I respond and whisper a prayer:

Yes, Lord. I am willing to do what seems impossible (and is) on my own. I feel so ill-equipped to write. It's obvious that I will need You in ways like never before to share the words that in Your timing, You will give to me. 

It's kind of like homeschooling. I need You Jesus more than ever now that I'm a homeschooling mama. 

The enemy of my soul would like me to think that maybe I didn't hear you right; that maybe you spoke those words for someone else and that I'm the wrong girl. 

But then I remember, You are the LORD. And You shall reign...in the next step.

xo

Sweet 16

Source

Dear Bryan,

From beginnin' to end, 365 days of the year
I want your same ole love, baby
And all I wanna do is share my life with you
I want your same ole love...

Thank you for 16 beautiful years of marriage. I didn't want to share my life with anyone but you. God gave me the desire of my heart when He gave you to me.

I look forward to our future with great joy.

Love, 
Melissa

Small Beginnings

                                 Source                                            

The first few months of marriage.

Morning, midday and evening sickness.

Starting a budget/working on the debt snowball.

Establishing an exercise regimen or eating plan.

Praying for a loved one who desperately needs Jesus.

Beginning work at a new job.

Small beginnings. 

What I love about this Scripture:

"....for The Lord rejoices to see the work begin." 

Fifteen years and 364 days later we worked through those first few months of marriage and now, although, not perfect, it is more beautiful than that rainy night when we exchanged our vows.  He is faithful.

Seeing my boys beautiful faces when they were born made every time I could only eat Lucky Charms or Saltine crackers worth it. I didn't despise it, per se, I just wasn't a fan of the not being able to even look at food for a time. Homegirl loves to eat!  :) He is faithful.

I have to confess with budgeting, I can be all or nothing. I sometimes say, "why bother?" Like Dave Ramsey says, "All the money comes in and all the money goes out, only the names are changed to protect the innocent." But as the Lord provides extra sources of income, I remind myself that it will be worth it one day to be faithful now and work with what we have available.  He is faithful.

Oh the joy of when a loved one that you've been praying for tells you out of the blue they are reading your blog. You know what they say, people are watching and we may be the only 'Jesus' they see. He is faithful.

Small beginnings. I think I love you.

Seriously though, The Lord rejoices to see the work begin. Why? Because He made this day. And He wants us to just start somewhere.  To be faithful in the little and the big. To little by little move forward. 

"God's work always begins with little seeds." MacLaren

Think about it. Jesus is into small beginnings.

The tiny seed at conception. He takes His time to fashion us and form us in the depths; and at the perfect time, He releases us from the womb. 

The sparrow. He cares for and provides for it so gently and He knows where and when it falls. He takes great delight in His creation.

He is the Master Builder and the greatest mathematician of all time. I can't explain Jesus math but I do know its supernatural and He can make things multiply faster than the speed of light. He's always making something out of nothing. And that's a beautiful thing. 

"Satan does not despise the day of small things. Satan fears the day of small things in our life because he sees what great things God does in them and brings out of them." Guzik

God is always watching us. The Bible says His eyes are over the whole earth searching for those whose hearts are fully committed to Him. Whether we are just beginning something or nearing the end, His eyes are everywhere and He is watching to see if we will be faithful to Him. His eyes are on all our ways and nothing is hidden from Him.

This is how Jesus works. We have to be faithful in the little things before He will grant us more. Remember, this day, and every day is the day that He has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. We are to give thanks in all things because this is the will of God for us in Christ Jesus.

Don't believe the lie that bigger is better. Jesus values substance over size. Give all that you have to Him, commit your works (beginning, middle and end) to Jesus and watch Him respond to you.

"God often chooses weak instruments to bring about mighty things: and tho' the beginnings be small, He can make the latter end greatly to increase." Wesley

Baby, you ain't seen nothing yet. :)

Prayer:

Lord, help us to not despise these small beginnings especially now that we know you delight to see the work begin. Help us remember that it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful. Grant us the grace to receive Your mercy to just begin. Help us even today, to move forward, knowing that You have great things ahead. We love you so much Jesus. Amen.

What We Are

Source

Disclaimer: I cut a huge chunk out of my right index finger while making dinner so I'm really only able to type with nine fingers. Sigh. :)

Moving on. 

"Consider this: The Father has given us His love.  He loves us so much that we are actually called God's dear children. And that's what we are." (GWT)

What I love about this Scripture:

The love of God. I have to have a Selah moment.

Do you believe the love of God?

Pause and ponder this beautiful gift that is lavished upon us as His dear children. The way He loves us is unmatched. The manner of love that is freely given to us. It isn't a love that we have to strive to earn or perform for. This love isn't something that we can go out and get. It is freely given out of His rich storehouse of mercy. He made us and loves us and wants to lavish it on us.

The perfect love of God being lavished on me? On me.  It blows my mind; that God would want to profusely pour out His never ending supply of love that He has for us in abundance on someone like me. 

But then I quickly remember that this perfect love also comes with a new name for each one of His children.  Allow me to make it personal, and I hope that you'll do the same with your name as way of reminder of who we are in Him.

Melissa, child of God. I've been adopted into the family of God. My identity is now in Christ and I belong to Him. He lavishes His love on me because I'm His. All I have to do is receive. 

"What is it that makes us slow to believe the love of God? Sometimes it is pride, which demands to prove itself worthy of the love of God before we will receive it. Sometimes it is unbelief, which cannot trust the love of God when it sees the hurt and pain of life. And sometimes it just takes time for a person to come to a fuller understanding of the greatness of God's love." Guzik

And now I have a fuller understanding of His love. Thank you, Lord.

I get to call Him Master. Savior. Father. Friend. I find my greatest source of joy in belonging to the King of Kings. The Creator of the entire Universe. The soon coming King who holds the keys to death, hell and the grave. The One who will right every wrong. The One who gives me a million chances to make things right. 

He proved to me His perfect love when He died so that I could live. What other proof is necessary? His perfect life proved His perfect love and when I received Him as Lord He made His home in me and I exchanged my unworthiness for His great love. He calls me worthy. Selah. :) 

So when He sees me now, He sees His daughter. I love that. I am God's daughter. No matter what kind of relationship you might have with your parents here on earth, if you have accepted Him as Lord, you are God's daughter. You belong to Him and He loves you without condition. No strings attached.  

He created you. And God wants, more than anything, to be in relationship with you. This is what we were created for. He displays to us His unspeakable, incomparable and immeasurable love so that we'll one day take notice of Him and fall to our knees and cry out "Abba, Father." 

Let His love fill your heart. Let His Word fill your mind. And be changed forever. He's worth that!

You are God's daughter and He loves you fiercely. 

Prayer:

Dear Lord, thank you for Your love. Thank you for rescuing us from a life of not knowing You. You gently scooped us up and mended our broken hearts and we are forever grateful. Help us to receive Your love and in turn display Your love to a lost and dying world. We need You more than anything. Amen.

"Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed on you, and belonging, you will become the sons and daughters of The Lord God Almighty." MacLaren

And that's what we are.

xo

Press On

Source

"But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who so wondrously reached out for me." The Message

What I love about this Scripture:

The beautiful imagery. I can see Him standing there on the other side of the canyon. He's not passive in His waiting for me to get to Him. He's active while He waits...reaching out for me. For you. 

He's willing to stretch out His arms, take me by my hands and guide me to where He is. 

I mean, isn't that our hope? The hope of Heaven to be where He is.  We are His possession; His peculiar people; set apart for His good purpose and pleasure. 

"Believers make Christ all in all, and set their hearts upon another world." Matthew Henry

This isn't some grand ordeal. It is so basic, really. He is simply reaching out to me and me clinging onto Christ (who is my life) in total dependence and wholly surrender. 

That's the goal for me; to be like Christ is every way; to give up self (daily) in total surrender to what He has for me. To reach out for Him with everything that is within me. To know Him and make Him known.

This is my constant endeavor.

I know His ways are higher than mine and He can be trusted with all the cares of my heart. He even can be trusted with my whole heart because He is gentle and trustworthy. He makes my life have meaning.

On my own I am imperfect but in Christ He covers me with His perfection (Hebrews 10:14). I am justified in Him, His law is now written on my heart and He has promised to remember my sins no more.

The Result?

He has made me His very own.  No longer am I wondering who I am and who I belong to. No longer living to please and serve self.  I'm living now for Jesus who paid it all for me to live with Him and love Him for all of eternity. 

 I am worth something to Him and He is worth everything to me. 

Prayer:

Captivate us, Lord Jesus, set our hearts on You. Devastate us with Your Presence, falling down, and Rushing River, draw us nearer, Holy Fountain consume us with You, captivate us, Lord Jesus, with You. *Amen. 

(*Lyrics: Captivate Us by Watermark)

One Year Later: #write31days

31 Days  (26 Days)

of sharing what I love about 

some of my favorite

Scriptures 

via Pinterest

What I love about this Scripture:

"Those who look to Him..." if I'm looking to Him, that means I'm not focusing on self. Winning! I want to live that way; with my eyes and heart fixed on Jesus Christ as the focal point of my life. He is what this life is all about for me. 

When I look to Him, He calms all my anxious fears, He quiets my heart with His truth and His love. What else could be better than that? I see myself with a laser beam focus. Jesus takes a step. I take a step. If He tells me to stay, I stay. 

When my eyes are locked in on Jesus, the things of this earth grow strangely dim. This is when I am trusting Him to provide, waiting for Him to move, fixing my gaze in His direction. I see in my mind an image of a tight rope across a canyon. For me, I would be totally freaked out if I had to cross that. I would absolutely need a focal point on the other side of it. That and a harness! Smile.

Jesus is my focal point on the every side of what I'm going through. He keeps me grounded. No pun intended! :)

The Result?

A radiant and unashamed face. This is what knowing, loving and serving Jesus provides. But I can remember a time of walking around this life with a shadow of shame. And that wasn't fun. It was when I learned that my identity is found in Christ, and all that He says I am, that's when the veil of shame began to lift. It was then that my focus began to shift from self to Savior.  Best day ever! 

I wrote about this Scripture in my journal on July 16, 2012:

"Thank You that because I look to You I am radiant and have no reason to be ashamed. I long to emit rays of light, bright with joy and hope-the kind that can only be found in You. Your Word says that as I look to You, my face will never be ashamed. In You, I don't have to feel shame..."

A few days later, on July 24, 2012, I felt Jesus say to me, "Melissa, I see you. Look to Me. Let Me do it." It was the confirmation I asked God for and it forever sealed Psalm 34:5 in my heart while I was standing at my kitchen sink doing the dishes. 

I say that I love Jesus Christ and that I want to live for Him for all my days, but if my countenance is always sad, what kind of testimony is that? 

Radiant, by definition, is shining bright with joy, hope, etc. Jesus does that to me. He makes me shine bright with His joy so that I can share with others about the hope I have.

Prayer:

Lord, let our eyes be fixed on You. You lead us into all truth; You show us the way. You remove our shame and cover us with Your radiance. You are The Light and in You there is no darkness at all. Amen.